


Laxatives at 2 AM

by baekluvr69



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Awkwardness, Best Friends Byun Baekhyun & Kim Jongdae | Chen, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor, M/M, Meet-Cute, Mentions of Sex Toys, baekluvr69, my first fic bc i failed a test for the first time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:28:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26710678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekluvr69/pseuds/baekluvr69
Summary: Jongdae is very glad his annoying roomate decided to get constipated or he wouldn't have met the cute guy at the corner store.
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Minseok | Xiumin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19
Collections: the general adventures





	Laxatives at 2 AM

Jongdae was just mindlessly scrolling through twitter instead of working on his chemistry problem set due in two days when his door was slammed open by none other than his annoying roommate. 

“Bro, I think I’m constipated,” Baekhyun groaned, leaning against the doorway and clutching his stomach, hunched over in pain. 

“Uh what the fuck? Go to the bathroom, you idiot, why are you in here?!” 

“Duuuuude,” he said, “I would but what’s the point? I can’t get the poop out.”

Jongdae didn’t really know how to help so he opened up google on his phone, ignoring Baekhyun, who had now slumped to the ground, still groaning. He searched “what to do when constipated”. 

“Wait there, I’ll get you water,” he said, tossing the phone onto his bed and heading to the kitchen. He filled up a glass as quickly as possible and brought it to Baekhyun, who grabbed it and chugged. Jongdae watched in annoyance as some of it dribbled down his chin and onto his t-shirt. What a mess. 

“Bro, it still hurts,” Baekhyun complained.

Jongdae brought him another glass. This time, Baekhyun spilled some onto the carpet and Jongdae had to press a dirty sock from under his desk onto the stain, hoping it would dry up soon. 

“Still hurts?”

Baekhyun nodded solemnly.

“Sure you can’t poop it out now?”

Baekhyun shook his head. 

“Do some squats.”

At this, Baekhyun gave him a confused look. 

“I can’t even stand and you want me to do squats?”

“Yes. Perhaps the movement will push the shit out, I don’t know. It's a worth try," Jongdae muttered, "Not like you have any better ideas anyway.” 

And so he sat on the floor, throwing encouraging words at a whining Baekhyun who attempted to do squats, legs shaking and face scrunched up in pain. He looked quite funny and Jongdae resisted the urge to film this for future blackmail purposes because he liked to think he was a nice person sometimes. 

“Five more, let’s go Baekkie!!”

“Shut,” Baekhyun paused to catch his breath after another squat, “Up! I hate you!”

“It’s not my fault you’re constipated! What did you even eat?”

“I don’t know! Normal stuff?”

Jongdae snorted. “It’s because you went drinking for the last three nights in a row. I’m sure of it.”

Baekhyun collapsed onto the ground, and then immediately curled up as if it would stop the sharp stabs he was feeling in his abdomen. Unfortunately for him, it didn't help.

“Well, it’s not my fault you didn’t agree to come with me and stop me from drinking too much!”

“Well, it’s not my fault I had a lab due today and had to spend the last three nights working on it!”

“Oh, are we playing the blame game now?” 

“Oh, are you not constipated anymore?” Jongdae retorted. 

“No it still hurts, please help me Jongdae, I really need to shit,” Baekhyun whined, adding a sad pouty face for extra effect that worked very well because it made Jongdae feel a bit guilty.

“Fine, go sit on the toilet and try to get it out.”

“But I tried!”

“Do you have any better ideas?”

Silence. Baekhyun went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet.

“Don’t just sit there! Try to push it out!” Jongdae shouted from the other side of the door. 

He heard grunting and then a whiny, “I can’t do it!” 

“Move around and try again.” He could not believe his life had come to telling his roommate how to shit. Then again, this was Byun Baekhyun, so the situation actually wasn't very unbelievable. 

“Is that what it feels like to give birth?” he heard Baekhyun ask sadly.

“Giving birth is probably a hundred times worse.”

“Oh. In that case, I’m glad I was born a dude.”

They waited a little, Baekhyun occasionally grunting as he tried to get his poop out and Jongdae standing quietly on the other side of the door. 

“Bro, I don’t think this is working. Is there anything else we can do?”

He sighed and headed to his room where he turned on his phone and opened google again. The next bullet point said laxatives. He could get them from the corner store. Jongdae grabbed his wallet, and a jacket because it was cold outside and unlike Baekhyun, he was a responsible person who looked after his body. Then he walked over to the bathroom door again. 

“I’ll get you laxatives.”

“Thank you Jongdae, you’re the best.”

“If I get mugged on the way there, just know my death is all your fault.”

“It’s literally inside the college!” 

“Still, it could happen,” Jongdae shrugged, closing the front door behind him. 

\---

It was a short walk to the store that was on the bottom floor of the adjacent building. Quite peaceful, if one could ignore the occasional couple making out on the benches and the loud yelling from a particularly rowdy and drunk group of students. Except Jongdae didn’t walk. He ran, because he wanted to be quick and he was just a good friend like that. 

The bell jingled as he opened the door and stepped into the brightly lit (a little too bright, actually) store that perpetually smelled of pine. The person that managed the store sure loved his pine scented diffuser. Jongdae breathed it deeply as he tried to catch his breath. He only ran when he had to get his work in minutes before the deadline, so it goes without saying that physical exertion was not his forte. 

Having returned his heart rate to an acceptable pace, he walked up and leaned an elbow on the counter, trying to look suave as he asked the student working there if he had any laxatives. Either his suave-ness was working or the giggle the cute looking guy let out as he pointed at the correct aisle was because he thought Jongdae was funny, in a dumb way. He liked to think it was the first thing, but Baekhyun always told him it was the second. 

“Laxatives at 2 AM in the morning. You just realized you’re constipated?” the man asked as he rang him up. God, it was 2 AM? Jongdae had thought it was still 12.

“Nah, it’s for my roommate,” he smiled, taking the bag and looking closer at the guy’s name tag. “Thank you, Kim Minseok!”

Minseok gave him a small wave and a smile, chubby cheeks rising and his eyes turning into little crescents, as Jongdae headed out. _Nice guy_ , he thought as he ran back to his room. 

“I’m back~~” Jongdae sang, bursting open the door, but then the overwhelming stench of shit smacked him in the face, burning his lungs and making his eyes water. 

“Oh, thanks Jongdae! But I managed to get it out myself,” Baekhyun smiled sweetly, popping his head out of his room. 

“Fuck you!” Jongdae yelled, but it was muffled a little by his shirt which he was now using to cover his nose so he wouldn’t DIE. “How are you still sitting in here?”

Somehow, Baekhyun understood what he was saying, maybe because they spent way too much time talking to each other with their mouths full of food, so this wasn’t that much different. 

“It smells kind of nice,” Baekhyun answered, inhaling deeply. “I like it.” 

Jongdae simply dropped the laxatives, stepped back outside, and slammed the door shut because _what the actual fuck_. 

He stood there for a bit before realising that there was no way he could go back inside until it smelled normal again. Honestly, It always smelled a little bad because they were two very sweaty young dudes who didn’t do the laundry or shower as often as they should. But this? This was absolutely repugnant. Odious. Deadly!

If only he had that nice pine scented diffuser, but no, the only air freshener they owned was a strawberry one that Chanyeol once tried to break open and drink so they ended up throwing it out that day, and just forgot to buy replacements since. He reached into his pockets to pull out his phone except...it was empty. His phone was in his room. Jongdae tried to open the door, but to no avail. Sometimes it just jammed like this and couldn't be opened without extreme force and strength, both things that he lacked. Curse his horrible luck! Why was the world working against him today?

“Hey, Baekhyun!” Jongdae yelled. No response. “YAH, BYUN BAEKHYUN!” He banged on the door. Still no response. “OPEN THE FUCK UP, ASSHOLE!!” He kicked the door and jiggled the door knob but still no response. Baekhyun might’ve passed out from the stench. Or maybe he’d just fallen asleep. Dude slept like a fucking rock. Either way, it wasn’t Jongdae’s problem. He had kicked the door once more and yelled, “FUCK YOU!” when the door next to him slammed open and he was met with a very sleepy and very angry looking guy. Kyungsoo, if Jongdae remembered correctly, the one that roomed with Jongin. 

“Shut the fuck up. Some of us are trying to sleep!” Kyungsoo hissed, before slamming the door shut again. Jongdae was about to yell that he was sorry but stopped himself when he realised that the yelling would only make things worse, even if it was an apology. He sighed deeply, staring at the ground. He _would_ crash at Chanyeol and Sehun’s, but they’d gone to Jeju to study turtles for the next two weeks. There was Junmyeon and Yixing, but they were still mad at him for five days ago, when he and Baekhyun had spent hours duct taping as many items as possible of theirs to the ceiling. It had been worth it then to see the shock and then rage on Junmyeon and Yixing’s faces when they’d walked into their room, but it didn’t seem so worth it to him now, when he had nowhere to sleep. 

Just when he was about to give up all hope, Jongdae saw the cute guy from the corner store walking down the hallway. 

“Hello, kid that needed laxatives at 2 AM!” he said cheerfully, “What’re you doing out here?”

Jongdae stared at him, momentarily caught off guard by his beauty. Had Minseok always been so good looking or was it just Jongdae’s delirious, sleep deprived, and Baekhyun-constipated-shit-stench invaded brain? 

Minseok waved his hand in front of his face, breaking Jongdae from his thoughts. “You ok?” 

“Yeah! Yeah, uh, my roommate managed to…well he became unconstipated and the whole place reeks of shit right now and I can’t stay in there or I might die,” he said, all at once and very fast. 

Minseok’s adorable face took on a confused expression and, if it was even possible, he looked cuter than before. 

“How is he in there then?”

“He said he liked it.”

“That’s one weird fucking roomate you have.”

And Jongdae freaked out a little internally because ohmygod Minseok just cursed how is it so cute!!

“Aha, yeahhh,” Jongdae replied lamely.

“So, what’re you gonna do? Do you have anywhere to sleep?”

And Jongdae freaked out even more because ohmygod this Minseok dude was so nice he didn’t even know him and is maybe offering to help him find somewhere to sleep?? So Jongdae shook his head. No, as of now he was essentially homeless.

“You can crash at mine! I don’t mind,” Minseok beamed, motioning at Jongdae with a tilt of his head, “It’s right down this hallway, come on.” 

And what could Jongdae do but follow him like a lost puppy? Maybe the world was actually trying to help him today. Bless his luck. They arrived soon at Minseok's place, which was down the hallway and then across the turn and down yet another hallway so that would explain why Jongdae had never seen him before. 

“I actually room alone. I managed to get the one single dorm in the building,” Minseok explained, opening the door. Jongdae stepped in behind him. 

“Wow, you keep it so clean!” he said, admiring how neat and tidy everything was. Here was a man who had his shit together. Very nice. 

“Yeah,” Minseok scratched shyly at the back of his neck while Jongdae tried not to coo at him. “I just like to keep things organized. Makes me feel better.”

Then he ducked into his room and came back in 30 seconds (very speedy), holding a set of folded pajamas. He handed them to Jongdae.

“Thought you might want to change?”

“No it’s fine! I’ll just sleep in these,” he said, gesturing at his jeans and t-shirt, “I do it all the time anyways.” 

“Well, that’s not very comfortable. Go ahead and wear these.” Minseok handed him the clothes and shoved him into the bathroom. “There’s spare toothbrushes in the third drawer on the left! Do use one.” Then he closed the door. What a very nice dude. Any other student would have just walked past Jongdae sleeping in the hallway or if they were kind, would have let him sleep on the gross floor of their dorm maybe. And then there was Minseok, who has been showing him nothing but peak hospitality. 

Jongdae stared at his reflection in the mirror. His t-shirt was sweaty, which looked bad and oh god he probably smelled bad too. Hoping Minseok hadn’t noticed, he stripped and changed into the pajamas, folding and placing his own clothes neatly on the floor. Him and Minseok must be basically the same size because the pajames fit him quite comfortably. Jongdae smiled at the little stars and rockets that dotted the fabric as he rubbed his arms over the soft material. He decided that he should wear pajamas more often. First he should buy nice ones though, instead of sleeping in the stained and tattered clothes that were too ugly and damaged to be worn outside. 

Alrighty, now to brush his teeth so his breath wouldn’t stink, because as of now it most likely did. He tried to remember if he had stood really close to Minseok. Could he have smelled it? He prayed not. Anyways, third drawer on the right! Jongdae reached down and pulled it open. 

What he saw were definitely _not_ toothbrushes. Inside the drawer was a set of glittery blue anal beads, glow in the dark condoms, and...was that blueberry flavored lube? Oh lord, there was also a blue tentacle dildo and a silvery anal plug with what looked to be a fucking fox tail. Jongdae quietly closed the drawer, heart hammering in his chest, now knowing far too much about Minseok’s sexual interests. 

He stared at himself in the mirror and at his red cheeks and his face that felt very warm. Placing his hands on his head, he told himself, _No, Jongdae. No horny thoughts in this freaky but also very hot dude’s bathroom after he so kindly did all of this for you. Stop!! Don’t think about what’s in that drawer. You can think about it later when you’re in your own room. Alone. But not now!!_ And since Jongdae has always been good at forgetting things, he simply decided that he would temporarily erase the contents of the drawer from his memory. The fantasies to be imagined are for another day! Instead, Jongdae reached into the third drawer on the _left_ side, which is what Minseok must have told him to do, and ripped open a pink toothbrush. It was quite fortunate indeed that he was tired and nearly asleep, so much so that his eyes were closing even as he brushed his teeth. If it weren’t for that, god knows what he would be doing right now. God also would not have approved of his choices, probably. 

When Jongdae finally came out of the bathroom, he saw Minseok pulling a blanket out of his closet. 

“Thank you for everything,” Jongdae told him, taking the blanket, “I assume I’ll be sleeping on the couch?” 

“Whatever’s most comfortable for you!” Minseok said, smiling innocently as if he didn’t have a fucking tentacle dildo in the drawer of his bathroom. Who the fuck kept that stuff in the bathroom anyway? 

“Hehe,” Jongdae said, breaking himself out of that train of thought, “Couch it is!” 

Minseok walked toward the couch and placed a pillow on one side. Jongdae followed him, draping a blanket over it. 

“Alrighty, goodnight—” Minseok paused, “Wait, this is very awkward. I just realized I don’t even know your name.”

“Oh! Jongdae, I’m Kim Jongdae.”

“Well, it is very nice to meet you. Goodnight Kim Jongdae!” and then he switched the lights off and went into his own room, closing the door behind him and leaving Jongdae to lie there under his blankets and on his couch. The last thought he could form before his head hit the pillow and he was out like a light was _Thank you, Byun Baekhyun, for getting constipated and taking the smelliest shit in the world so I can meet this guy_ because Jongdae thinks maybe, just maybe, he has a thing for this Kim Minseok. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated! If you got this far, thank you so so much for reading!! 
> 
> Basically I got a D on my math test which is my lowest grade ever and I felt like shit (kinda still do) so in 2 hours I smashed out this piece of shit that starts of talking about shit and shitting to take my mind of things and I didn't know where I was going with this and I'm not quite sure what I wrote either but I figured why not post it bc I'll never get better if I never start so here is my first fic :D


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